It's Hard

So, I work in a place of jugglers, poets, and all things that are beautiful. When I was in high school I was there but I didn't stand out. I wasn't special. High school was one of those things where I was a person who nobody was interested in dating or other things of the sort. I had some friends but nothing great. Well, when I started working at the place where I am now, everything changed. I became overwhelmed by men who thought I was beautiful, wonderful, and fit perfectly with them. Their friends agreed on this and told them not to screw it up. Well, I'm one of those people who feels awful when I make a person feel bad. Well, here's the thing. I don't mean to sound snobby and all that, but there are three men who have confessed to me. Not all at once but....okay here is background. First year out there I met a man, we will call him Bob. Bob and I started dating that Christmas. Well, he is my first love. A part of me still loves him, I still care for him deeply. But a year later I went to college in LA...long distance relationship. When I got out there I was among many talented actors and I needed to step up my game. Needless to say, long distance requires a lot of focus and effort. Well, it started to hold me back from my acting, it blocked my acting. I eventually tried to break up with him. And I did, but it only lasted until I got back home. Then I saw him again and broke down.I tried to push back, but I hate hurting people, and he needs me. I will break his heart and destroy him...he'd fall into a deep depression. I can't have that guilt... I can't hold it...I won't be able bere that weight. So, things are so complicated. There are times where I miss him, I miss his comfort... But I've become attached, or rather cared for someone else. And now my heart is torn into two pieces. We will call him John. He's a great guy. He cares for me deeply, just the same amount as Bob...I'm not sure what I should do. Then there is a man, who cares for me just as deeply. He I think I can handle, but it's Bob... I can't ... I can't say goodbye and I know I need to... I'm frightened.

I don't understand

I've rewritten this so many times I'm not sure where to start. Everything seems so complicated to me and yet everything is simple. Confused?...so am I. Here, it all comes down to one question. How do you get friends? Now, I'm invisible and yet I am. It's like this. I am a painting. People are admirers who pass through the museum of life and stops by my painting. Each one sees it and begins admiring, gasping at the beauty, etc. But here's the thing, none of them goes close enough to see the brush strokes, and the many blended colors. It doesn't make sense to me. But, every guy who passes me wants to be either my father or lover. SO, when I finally let someone in, I intend for them to understand who I am and how I am extremely complicated. I thought that that was what a friend is...one who understands. I guess I'm wrong with that, so I don't really know. What do you think? I mean, I am not one that can say "you aren't being a good friend, this needs to end." I can't hurt anybody, even if they hurt me...I find hurting others like this is inhumane. Am I wrong? What the hell am I suppose to do? Be the mean bitch or let everything get more complicated.

Reason for the blog

So, many people start a blog for some reason or other. Mine you may ask? Well, there really isn't a reason beyond the fact that there are times in my life that I just want to blog about a subject and it bothers me because I don't own one. So here it is...Life's Stories is a blog about anything that really comes to my mind. Recently I have been looking at relationships and are they worth it? Am I in love? Or am I in love with the thought of being in love? That type of thing. So I'll start by giving you a little information about myself. I am currently 19 soon to be 20 in September. It is August 2011 and I am currently living in Minnesota.Something actually interesting?.... I'm an inspiring actor. I dream of one day being on the big screen. Though, I will start off on the stage, I know that much. My life?...So not normal. For starters, my father is a 3rd degree black belt...old fashion too. My brother is going to be a pastor along with his fiance. Mom is a secretary for a city close by....I am the only normal one personality wise, and abnormal in ambitions. I like a life that is full and exciting, this is why I move to LA for school....Talk about different and exciting. I try to be funny but fail mostly, so deal with it. :) Usually I'm very calm and happy but when you piss me off, O.o there will be trouble. So yeah, not sure how much I should write and considering I have to get up at 6:30am (not too early but early enough) and it is 10pm I should sign out. Besides, who wants to bore my readers...if there are any lol. Well good night and sleep well friends!