It's Hard

So, I work in a place of jugglers, poets, and all things that are beautiful. When I was in high school I was there but I didn't stand out. I wasn't special. High school was one of those things where I was a person who nobody was interested in dating or other things of the sort. I had some friends but nothing great. Well, when I started working at the place where I am now, everything changed. I became overwhelmed by men who thought I was beautiful, wonderful, and fit perfectly with them. Their friends agreed on this and told them not to screw it up. Well, I'm one of those people who feels awful when I make a person feel bad. Well, here's the thing. I don't mean to sound snobby and all that, but there are three men who have confessed to me. Not all at once but....okay here is background. First year out there I met a man, we will call him Bob. Bob and I started dating that Christmas. Well, he is my first love. A part of me still loves him, I still care for him deeply. But a year later I went to college in LA...long distance relationship. When I got out there I was among many talented actors and I needed to step up my game. Needless to say, long distance requires a lot of focus and effort. Well, it started to hold me back from my acting, it blocked my acting. I eventually tried to break up with him. And I did, but it only lasted until I got back home. Then I saw him again and broke down.I tried to push back, but I hate hurting people, and he needs me. I will break his heart and destroy him...he'd fall into a deep depression. I can't have that guilt... I can't hold it...I won't be able bere that weight. So, things are so complicated. There are times where I miss him, I miss his comfort... But I've become attached, or rather cared for someone else. And now my heart is torn into two pieces. We will call him John. He's a great guy. He cares for me deeply, just the same amount as Bob...I'm not sure what I should do. Then there is a man, who cares for me just as deeply. He I think I can handle, but it's Bob... I can't ... I can't say goodbye and I know I need to... I'm frightened.